Abandonment issues: Signs, symptoms, treatment, and more

Abandonment issues is an informal term that describes a strong fear of losing loved ones or of them leaving a relationship. This fear can result from trauma, anxiety, and other mental health conditions.

“Abandonment issues” is not a distinct diagnosis, but is a form of anxiety that can affect relationships throughout life. As such, it can refer to many things.

Fear of abandonment can come from an anxious attachment style or early childhood trauma. It is also a feature of some mental health conditions, such as borderline personality disorder (BPD).

Keep reading to learn more about abandonment issues in both adults and children, including the signs, causes, and treatment options.

Fear of abandonment is not a distinct mental health condition. Instead, it is a type of anxiety that can manifest itself in different ways.

For example, some people who fear abandonment may feel generally insecure in relationships and need frequent reassurance from their partner. This is known as an anxious attachment style.

Attachment styles are the ways in which people form relationships. People develop an attachment style as they grow up. People with an anxious attachment style may:

Intense fear of abandonment can also be a feature of personality disorders, such as BPD and dependent personality disorder (DPD). These conditions have their own set of symptoms.

In children, some degree of worry about caregivers leaving them is developmentally typical. This is known as separation anxiety.

Separation anxiety is a part of child development in infants and very young children. It typically begins between 6–12 months and peaks at around 3 years old. Signs include:

A child may continue to experience separation anxiety for much of early childhood. This is especially the case in new or unfamiliar settings, such as on the first day of school. This separation anxiety does not necessarily mean they will have abandonment issues as adults.

However, children who develop an anxious attachment style may go on to experience insecurity in other relationships, too. Sometimes, children develop an intense form of separation anxiety that doctors classify as a disorder.

How fear of abandonment affects a person can depend on the cause. However, this anxiety typically makes forming healthy and secure relationships with others more challenging. A person may:

The causes of a fear of abandonment are complex. For some people, a clear life event triggered the fear. For others, it may be a combination of factors. Some examples include:

A fear of abandonment is a symptom rather than a diagnosis. As a result, psychologists do not diagnose it.

However, they may identify a fear of abandonment as part of a wider pattern or as one symptom that could indicate a mental health condition.

A psychologist may ask a person questions to see if their symptoms match the criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). Clinicians use this manual to diagnose mental health conditions.

A person does not need a mental health diagnosis to get help. If fear of abandonment significantly affects a person’s life or relationships, they may benefit from professional support.

Talk therapy may help. During therapy, a person can explore their experiences of abandonment and potentially identify the cause of their anxiety.

Certain therapy models may be more helpful for certain types of abandonment fears. For example, cognitive behavioral therapy may help with separation anxiety, while dialectical behavior therapy may help with BPD.

A therapist can help individuals build self-esteem to feel more capable or lovable. They may also teach someone about establishing healthy boundaries and communicating effectively with partners.

Children with intense fears of abandonment can work with a child psychologist to address it. They may do this through play therapy, art therapy, or family therapy.

Supporting a person with a fear of abandonment can be challenging. They may perceive efforts to talk about the problem as criticism or worry that it means their partner will leave. As a result, it is important to approach conversations on this topic with patience and empathy.

When discussing someone else’s fear of abandonment, try to:

It may be helpful to avoid the term “abandonment issues.” This term can have a negative connotation and reinforce the idea that something is wrong with the person.

To avoid triggering anxiety, do not:

Children with a fear of abandonment may benefit from:

Remember that challenging behavior is often an expression of emotional turmoil. A caregiver may want to consult a child psychologist if their child experiences severe anxiety or does not gain confidence.

Individuals with abandonment issues will need to regularly manage their emotions to ensure the well-being of themselves and their relationships.

Anyone who feels that abandonment issues negatively affect their mental health or relationships can seek support from a therapist. This may involve individual therapy, couple therapy, or family therapy.

People with a history of trauma or loss may also wish to speak with a mental health professional to address these issues, even if they do not seem directly related.

If a child shows signs of significant separation anxiety, a person may want to consult a pediatrician or child psychologist.

Abandonment issues can describe a range of things. As a result, there is no consensus on the outlook for people who fear abandonment. It depends on what is causing the fear.

For example, a person with an anxious attachment style may be able to build self-esteem through therapy. This can help ensure they no longer feel as anxious about being alone.

The prognosis for a condition such as BPD depends on the person’s ability to access treatment. Many people experience remission of symptoms, but this can take time and commitment.

Abandonment issues are a form of anxiety that occurs when an individual has a strong fear of losing loved ones. People with abandonment issues can have difficulties in relationships. They may exhibit symptoms such as codependency, clinginess, or manipulative behavior.

Therapy may help the person experiencing abandonment issues get to the root of their problems.

With support, both adults and children with a fear of abandonment can enjoy healthy relationships and good quality of life.